Catholic Teens - December 12, 2004

Hey all--
The question below is a good and typical one. The answer is from
http://www.blogger.com/www.catholic.com Altough it is a Catholic webpage, the statistics they use
are all taken from other non-Catholic sources. For instance the divorce
rate among those who co-habitate is about 80%! Kind of blows up the theory
that living together before marriage helps one to find out if its going to
work. The other statistics aren't much better. For my money, I'm going to
do everything possible to avoid ending up divorced--and avoiding living
together before marriage is a good start.
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Question of the Week:
"Why is living together before marriage so wrong? Isn't it better to se if
we can live together first?"
Most cohabiting couples who hope to marry see their arrangement as a good
test run, a way to make sure that they're compatible before tying the knot.
After all, who wants to go through a divorce?
Aside from all of the spiritual factors regarding premarital sex, let's take
a look at what researchers have found about living together before marriage.
Two researchers summarized the findings of numerous studies by stating
that "expectation of a positive relationship between cohabitation and
marital stability . . . has been shattered in recent years by studies
conducted in several Western countries."i
What the studies discovered is this: if you don't want to get divorced,
don't move in until after the wedding. Why is that? Consider the following
facts about cohabitation: Most couples who live together never end up
getting married, but those who do tie the knot are almost twice as likely to
divorce as couples who don't live together before marriage.ii Overall, the
divorce rate of cohabiting couples is about eighty percent,iii and non- virgin brides are sixty percent more likely to end up divorced than women
who enter marriage as virgins.iv Couples who cohabited prior to marriage
have greater marital conflict and poorer communication, and they made more
frequent visits to marriage counselors.v Women who cohabited before marriage
are more than three times as likely to cheat on their husbands within
marriage.vi The US Justice Department found that women who cohabit are sixty- two times more likely to be assaulted by a live-in boyfriend than by a
husband.vii They were also more than three times as likely to be depressed
as married women,viii and the couples were less sexually satisfied than
those who waited for marriage.ix
So, from a standpoint of marital duration, marital peace, marital fidelity,
physical safety, emotional well-being, and sexual satisfaction, cohabitation
isn't exactly a recipe for happiness. Even USA Today reported, "Could this
be true love? Test it with courtship, not cohabitation."x You may assume
that if the couple had lived together a bit longer, they would have ironed
out the difficulties and not had these problems in marriage. The studies
show the opposite: longer cohabitations are associated with a higher
likelihood of divorce.xi Now, even if you don't think that your boyfriend
would be abusive or that you would get depressed, the divorce rate speaks
for itself.
Like all of us, you dream of a lasting love. If you're serious about making
this relationship work, save your marriage before it starts and don't move
in until after the wedding.

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i William G. Axinn and Arland Thornton, "The Relation Between Cohabitation
and Divorce: Selectivity or Casual Influence?" Demography 29, 1992, 357-374.
As quoted in Why Marriage Matters, p. 57.
ii Bumpass and Sweet 1995; Hall and Zhao 1995) As quoted in focus on the
Family brochure "Five reasons you need a 'piece of paper.'"
iii Kim Camplisson, "Celebrating Christian Marriage," The Southern Cross,
April 26, 2001, 8.
iv National Survey of Family Growth, Dr. Kahn, Dr. London. As reported at
http://www.blogger.com/www.members.aol.com/cohabiting/soc.htm.
v Elizabeth Thompson and Ugo Colella, "Cohabitation and Marital Stability:
Quality or Comiitment?" Journal of Marriage and the Family 54, 1992, 263. As
quoted in Why Marriage Matters, p. 57.; John D. Cunningham and John K.
Antill, "Cohabitation and Marriage: Retrospective and Predictive
Consequences," Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 11, 1994, 90. As
quoted in Why Marriage Matters, p. 58.
vi Tanfer, Koray, and Forste, Renata. "Sexual Exclusivity Among Dating,
Cohabiting, and Married Women," Journal of Marriage and Family, February
1996, 33-47. As quoted in Five reasons you need the "Piece of Paper" Focus
on the Family, 2000.
vii Colson, 1995, as quoted in Five reasons you need the "Piece of Paper"
Focus on the Family, 2000 .
viii Lee Robins and Darrell Regier, Psychiatric Disorders in America: The
Epidemiologic Catchment Area Study (New York: Free Press, 1991), p. 64. As
quoted in Why Marriage Matters, p. 66-67.
ix Hering 1994:4, as quoted in Five reasons you need the "Piece of Paper"
Focus on the Family, 2000 .
x William Mattox, Jr, "Could This be True Love? Test it with Courtship, not
Cohabitation," USA Today, Arlington; Feb 10, 2000.
xi Elizabeth Thompson and Ugo Colella, 1992, p. 266. As quoted in Why
Marriage Matters, p. 57.
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This question and answer taken from Jason Evert's book If You Really Loved
Me. For more great chastity Q & As, order your copy of his book today.
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Upcoming Events:
-St. Peter's Youth Group for 8th Grade and up--meets 1st Sunday
of each month from 630-800PM. Next meeting is Sunday, November 6th!
God bless you!
Phil Lawson
"It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may
live as you wish." --Mother Teresa